There's a Levee of Words Breaking in My Head

Let me start with another playlist... this time of my own design. I will warn you that there is a Coldplay song, but you can skip it if you like. It's their most bearable track.

Well, here I am four days after my last post... a tad longer than I expected, but life happens in doses and dashes. At the risk of turning this into a recap of my life, I'll go over the last few days' thoughts and their impact on my life.

The weekend was a good dose of things I needed, even though now as I look back at it, the time sprinted by. It was Easter weekend, and where I'm from (where most everyone I know is from) that means family time. I visited Mom and Pop in the grand metropolis of Clayton. They say you can't go home again. I don't know who these all knowing fellows are, and they say a lot of things, but this one makes sense. Going back now that I'm on my own is kind of a weird feeling. It's calming sometimes, and boring other times. This time it was more calming. I don't know what part of me needed soothing, because I don't exactly lead a stressful life.

Back to the part where They said, "You can't go home again." There's a bit of truth to it. It isn't the same after you've been away. Sometimes I think that my parents would love nothing more than to have me back home again. Sometimes I think that I would enjoy it too, but only because I have a nagging fear of stepping forward into life, especially now that I'm out of school. The argument is invalid now though. I can't go back to that, I wouldn't allow myself to go back, no matter the circumstances, it would feel like a regression. Somewhere though, things changed. I can't place an exact moment, but at some point I started viewing myself as an adult, and even my parents started viewing me as an adult. I can't imagine when, as I don't remember growing up. I still sleep through most of the day, play video games more than anything else, and run screaming from the prospect of yardwork. Still, it happened.

My parents aren't the only ones who noticed that I became an adult. Today, with the whole family and all its associated chaos, I felt like an adult, if only for a few select moments. I had a valid voice of reason in the search for a car for my brother-in-law, and my sisters recognized some responsibility and it shone through in the way we talked. My sisters sensed my adulthood a while before today, but putting it alongside my parents' recognition it was very obvious that I'm not the kid brother anymore.

After stepping back and reviewing the blog so far (all two posts of it) I see that I'm setting myself up for a round of life defining decisions in blog form. I don't see that being a persisting theme in the rest of my posts, but at the same time, I made this blog because I started feeling something big in my life, and I wanted to document it, if only for myself.

That's enough out of me for now. I may make a few more notes later tonight, but I feel my expression and creativity drying up for now, and I need to recharge my batteries a bit. I've been awake for fourteen hours already, and it's only 1am. Call me backwards, but that's a realization that I am not happy to make.